In previous years I've never gone to any Black Friday sales, because I like sleeping in more than "getting a deal" on something at 6am. Trying not to get run over or getting in a fight with somebody also didn't appeal to me.
This year, I was talking to a friend about it... she goes to Walmart every year and buys a new printer because a new printer is cheaper than buying a refill ink cartridge. So I went home and did a couple hours of ad searching trying to find something I would want.
When I shop, I look only for things I would use, have space for, and already want. Then I check reviews, and pick the best brand and model.
Looking at the ads, what I saw was: cheapest crappy brand = moderate sale price. And I didn't find a single thing that even approached a brand/model combo I was interested in. And that Walmart printer? It's $30 on ad instead of $40 regularly because it's just that cheap. 25% off is not a blowout deal.
But as each year brings on an earlier and earlier opening doors time, and this year, where stores open at 6pm ON THANKSGIVING, I'm disgusted. Disgusted that employees have to work because people will go shopping. I believe in boycotting stores on days I wouldn't want to work. That includes Sundays, LDS General Conference weekend, and holidays - including the day before and after.
This is where I admit I went to the store this Thanksgiving morning. It was kind of an ox in the mire. I was out of milk, and my 1 year old needs something to drink. So, on my way out, I tipped my cashier, and the grocery cart collector. They both were surprised and happy about it. And it made me feel good doing the giving. I definitely recommend tipping employees when you're shopping on a day you wouldn't want to be at work.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
Photos and Memories
There are pictures that were taken well and are beautiful. And there are some that are not. But what's most interesting is how sometimes the most well taken pictures bring back some of the worst memories. And as much as I would love to switch my good memories to the ones I have good pictures of, it doesn't work that way. And them, sometimes a very mediocre photo is the most important one.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
A Clear Picture of Why there is a Government Shutdown
What is the government shutdown all about?
Monday (Oct.1) evening I watched C-Span for 4 hours, back and forth between the house and the senate votes and arguments. It gave me a much clearer picture than what the Nightly News was reporting to me (Sunday, Sept 30th).
Basically there are a list of things that need to be voted on to be funded. The government has bundled several of them together for whatever reason. That's in the past. Republicans don't like Obamacare and are trying to get rid of it, so they are trying to extract that from the bundle. Democrats and Obama feel like Obamacare is their baby - their creation - and realize that if they fund National Parks, VA, etc etc separately from Obamacare, that Obamacare will never get it's funding passed because they won't have their 2/3rds majority.
So, despite the Nightly News saying that Republicans are holding the United States citizens hostage over Obamacare, it is technically the Democrats who are. You disagree? Let's review the definition of a hostage. A hostage is a person held by one party in a conflict as security that specified terms will be met by the opposing party. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/hostage)
Democrats are holding the funding of National parks, VA, WIC offices, and other services used and depended on by citizens of the United States to force Republicans to agree to fund Obamacare so that they can save these other services that the citizens depend on.
What citizens are saying
Did I mention I was watching tweets all evening throughout the c-span live feed video? Most people are posting how angry they are about how it's affecting their lives, or else they're cracking jokes. And about 70% of the 'facts' people are throwing around, are actually untrue rumors. I suddenly understand why my brother-in-law gets so frustrated with people who cry political victim all the time and that's because they're arguing about things that didn't happen. But at the same time, I can totally see WHY that happens. Despite all the "research papers" I was assigned to write in school, not a single one of them required me to Find An Original Source. I think only a small minority know where to find the original source. But everybody knows how to watch the Nightly News.
Obamacare is good and bad and legal and unconstitutional?
Oh, and the reason Obamacare is unconstitutional? Let me explain: the legislative branch Writes law and the Judicial Branch Interpretes law, and the Executive branch Enforces the law but Obamacare is Written AND Enforced by the legislative branch. The penalty for not following the mandates of the law is a monetary fine via IRS taxes. The IRS is under the Legislative Branch. However, the Supreme Court has decided that Obamacare IS constitutional and it is their job to Interprete the law, so by that standard it IS legal.
An Update to my Last post
After watching all the arguments pro and con for Obamacare, my perspective has become a bit more rounded. I now realize I've been focusing on all the things it could and likely would break... and ignoring all the great intentions it has. So let me list them here: (I may forget some items and may add them later, as it has been 24 hours since I heard the arguments and have forgotten some of them. I'm also expanding a little on what was said, from life experience or the reported experience I've heard from others.)
PROS:
PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS ARE COVERED - Children born with major health problems can now get healthcare without sending their parents into bankruptcy. Children cannot be put onto a healthcare plan until they're officially born, so born with problems means instant uninsurability.
AFFORDABLE - Children, Teens and Adults with painful and difficult health problems can now hope to afford healthcare and receive a greater level of comfort and functionality without fear of bankruptcy.
ACCESS - Mental Illness patients can now receive help they previously had limited access to. Where previously if they couldn't afford to pay an extended mental hospital stay they were booted back on the street... now they can get continual help... assuming there are enough rooms. They can also consistently attend therapy and counseling... a vital piece to recovery.
COVERED - Young Adults and college students can be on their parents plans while they go to school or advance in a career to prepare to be in a place where they can afford to pay for their own health insurance.
COMFORT IN CRISIS - A health crisis does not cost a financial crisis or a "what should we do" crisis because people feel like they can go to the doctor without turning their whole life upside down.
CONS:
TOO EXPENSIVE - Insurance premiums will rise dramatically as they attempt to compensate for expensive prescriptions, surgical procedures and time consuming care that they are now required to cover for people they can no longer deny insurance to. Etna Health Insurance of Georgia sent a letter to the homes of their customers and to one in particular, saying, you can keep your current plan for 2013 at the current premium level of $300-something and then pick a new plan under Obamacare in 2014, OR you can enroll or be automatically enrolled into Obamacare for 2013 and pay a premium of $600-something. One 89-year-old man asked C-span after the broadcast, "Am I Worth Saving? What, I might live for an extra 3 months?"
PRIVACY BREECHES - The Health Exchange Website has now become the #1 hacking website in the United States. All of your contact information is on it. All of your financial information is on it. Your Tax information is on it (SS#). And all of your Health Information is already on it. (How do I know your health information is already on it? Have you seen a doctor? Did he put your information into a computer? Is your doctor compliant with "meaningful use"?) That means your information is on the HIE or Health Information Exchange where doctors all over the country can pull up your information and make sure you're not trying to get oxycoton from 5 different doctors in the same month. How's that for privacy? Great and frustrating for would be drug dealers; terrible if said drug dealer stole your month's stash of medication and you can't get more because every doctor in America already knows you got your months supply.
POOR SERVICE - For those of you who have waited in line at Wal-mart for a prescription have likely heard some old person freaking out at the counter trying to get Medicaid to behave because they need to start their refill TODAY! Every time I hear this, I thank my lucky stars... and God... that I don't have to be on Medicaid. If government ran like a business, everyone of them would be fired. They're inefficient and incompetent with a model of "one size fits all." If the clothing industry had that motto, we'd all be in big trouble.
WHERE'S DOC? - One of the biggest problems with Obamacare is the drop in pay that doctors receive. Doctors go through 8-12+ years of EXPENSIVE schooling to get a degree to practice medicine. They NEED a high income to CATCH UP with the rest of the middle class to pay off those loans and buy a house like an American with an American dream. The lack of pay Obama has allocated to doctors will insure that there Won't Be very many doctors in the future and has Killed one of the biggest Incentives to become one.
GOOD AND/OR BAD:
I wasn't sure where to put these points because it depends on your perspective.
SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE - Everyone has coverage and everyone has the same coverage. But no one has top quality coverage. Also, you will have to schedule everything 3 months in advance. The lack of doctors have left the doctors very busy.
In Conclusion
After all the arguments were all laid out, I realized I wasn't as opposed to Obamacare, or the IDEA of Obamacare, as I originally thought. It means well. It could be a good program. It some situations it might even be ideal. But my conclusion was still the same. America can't afford the programs it already has. Social Security has a death date at the rate it's being used. The United States can't pay it's debt without taking out another credit card (aka raising the debt ceiling - a discussion with a deadline of Oct. 15th; just 2 weeks away). And debt will catch up with the borrower... despite everyone's denial that it can't happen to a government... Especially one so "great" as the United States. (Titanic ring a bell?)
Who is Obama?
What I can't figure out is Obama's intentions. I think that he's a good Father. I think that he's a kind and civil person. I think that he is an incredibly talented public speaker. And I know he can't do basic Math. Because he gave a speech about his Math and said it works. And I did the Math with Dave Ramsey and hundreds of other Americans and his math doesn't work. He must have forgot to mention the ESW line. That stands for "Error Some Where".
But what I really can't figure out is an intention that, on the surface, looks to be of good will... but the policy implemented looks to redefine the balance of power in government.
Example #1 - Obama is credited with writing the Healthcare bill. Obama is the president of the United States. His job is the supreme decision-maker of the Executive Branch - the law enforcement branch. Previous presidents only signed bills and vetoed bills, but also directed government towards issues that particular president wanted to address. He's over-stepping his powers... to accomplish what? His immediate agenda? Or a future military takeover?
Example #2 - I just spent 10 minutes looking for it and I'll have to find it later - when it's not 2:30 in the morning. Obama passed some law and/or created a new precedent about 2 years ago, that was ambiguous but gave government the right to invade your privacy and disrupt or destroy your life on the suspicion of terrorism. It was mostly meant for national security and public safety but the allowances could give an evil man legal power to destroy the freedom of citizens in this country.
Example #3 - Obama said this week, something along the lines of, 'Raising the debt ceiling has happened 45 times and it is a Normal way of life. This is the way that government is suppose to run.' - - - Oh, wait, this isn't a mystery of whether he believes the lie he just told - - - he does, because we've already determined that he can't do basic Math. But he is a Clever Public Speaker because he can make you feel like you are the stupid one for not understanding his math.
Done
I'm done writing. This is already too long. And I feel rambling coming on. And my best thinking left an hour ago. Be Kind. Rewind. G'night.
Monday (Oct.1) evening I watched C-Span for 4 hours, back and forth between the house and the senate votes and arguments. It gave me a much clearer picture than what the Nightly News was reporting to me (Sunday, Sept 30th).
Basically there are a list of things that need to be voted on to be funded. The government has bundled several of them together for whatever reason. That's in the past. Republicans don't like Obamacare and are trying to get rid of it, so they are trying to extract that from the bundle. Democrats and Obama feel like Obamacare is their baby - their creation - and realize that if they fund National Parks, VA, etc etc separately from Obamacare, that Obamacare will never get it's funding passed because they won't have their 2/3rds majority.
So, despite the Nightly News saying that Republicans are holding the United States citizens hostage over Obamacare, it is technically the Democrats who are. You disagree? Let's review the definition of a hostage. A hostage is a person held by one party in a conflict as security that specified terms will be met by the opposing party. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/hostage)
Democrats are holding the funding of National parks, VA, WIC offices, and other services used and depended on by citizens of the United States to force Republicans to agree to fund Obamacare so that they can save these other services that the citizens depend on.
What citizens are saying
Did I mention I was watching tweets all evening throughout the c-span live feed video? Most people are posting how angry they are about how it's affecting their lives, or else they're cracking jokes. And about 70% of the 'facts' people are throwing around, are actually untrue rumors. I suddenly understand why my brother-in-law gets so frustrated with people who cry political victim all the time and that's because they're arguing about things that didn't happen. But at the same time, I can totally see WHY that happens. Despite all the "research papers" I was assigned to write in school, not a single one of them required me to Find An Original Source. I think only a small minority know where to find the original source. But everybody knows how to watch the Nightly News.
Obamacare is good and bad and legal and unconstitutional?
Oh, and the reason Obamacare is unconstitutional? Let me explain: the legislative branch Writes law and the Judicial Branch Interpretes law, and the Executive branch Enforces the law but Obamacare is Written AND Enforced by the legislative branch. The penalty for not following the mandates of the law is a monetary fine via IRS taxes. The IRS is under the Legislative Branch. However, the Supreme Court has decided that Obamacare IS constitutional and it is their job to Interprete the law, so by that standard it IS legal.
An Update to my Last post
After watching all the arguments pro and con for Obamacare, my perspective has become a bit more rounded. I now realize I've been focusing on all the things it could and likely would break... and ignoring all the great intentions it has. So let me list them here: (I may forget some items and may add them later, as it has been 24 hours since I heard the arguments and have forgotten some of them. I'm also expanding a little on what was said, from life experience or the reported experience I've heard from others.)
PROS:
PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS ARE COVERED - Children born with major health problems can now get healthcare without sending their parents into bankruptcy. Children cannot be put onto a healthcare plan until they're officially born, so born with problems means instant uninsurability.
AFFORDABLE - Children, Teens and Adults with painful and difficult health problems can now hope to afford healthcare and receive a greater level of comfort and functionality without fear of bankruptcy.
ACCESS - Mental Illness patients can now receive help they previously had limited access to. Where previously if they couldn't afford to pay an extended mental hospital stay they were booted back on the street... now they can get continual help... assuming there are enough rooms. They can also consistently attend therapy and counseling... a vital piece to recovery.
COVERED - Young Adults and college students can be on their parents plans while they go to school or advance in a career to prepare to be in a place where they can afford to pay for their own health insurance.
COMFORT IN CRISIS - A health crisis does not cost a financial crisis or a "what should we do" crisis because people feel like they can go to the doctor without turning their whole life upside down.
CONS:
TOO EXPENSIVE - Insurance premiums will rise dramatically as they attempt to compensate for expensive prescriptions, surgical procedures and time consuming care that they are now required to cover for people they can no longer deny insurance to. Etna Health Insurance of Georgia sent a letter to the homes of their customers and to one in particular, saying, you can keep your current plan for 2013 at the current premium level of $300-something and then pick a new plan under Obamacare in 2014, OR you can enroll or be automatically enrolled into Obamacare for 2013 and pay a premium of $600-something. One 89-year-old man asked C-span after the broadcast, "Am I Worth Saving? What, I might live for an extra 3 months?"
PRIVACY BREECHES - The Health Exchange Website has now become the #1 hacking website in the United States. All of your contact information is on it. All of your financial information is on it. Your Tax information is on it (SS#). And all of your Health Information is already on it. (How do I know your health information is already on it? Have you seen a doctor? Did he put your information into a computer? Is your doctor compliant with "meaningful use"?) That means your information is on the HIE or Health Information Exchange where doctors all over the country can pull up your information and make sure you're not trying to get oxycoton from 5 different doctors in the same month. How's that for privacy? Great and frustrating for would be drug dealers; terrible if said drug dealer stole your month's stash of medication and you can't get more because every doctor in America already knows you got your months supply.
POOR SERVICE - For those of you who have waited in line at Wal-mart for a prescription have likely heard some old person freaking out at the counter trying to get Medicaid to behave because they need to start their refill TODAY! Every time I hear this, I thank my lucky stars... and God... that I don't have to be on Medicaid. If government ran like a business, everyone of them would be fired. They're inefficient and incompetent with a model of "one size fits all." If the clothing industry had that motto, we'd all be in big trouble.
WHERE'S DOC? - One of the biggest problems with Obamacare is the drop in pay that doctors receive. Doctors go through 8-12+ years of EXPENSIVE schooling to get a degree to practice medicine. They NEED a high income to CATCH UP with the rest of the middle class to pay off those loans and buy a house like an American with an American dream. The lack of pay Obama has allocated to doctors will insure that there Won't Be very many doctors in the future and has Killed one of the biggest Incentives to become one.
GOOD AND/OR BAD:
I wasn't sure where to put these points because it depends on your perspective.
SOCIALIZED HEALTHCARE - Everyone has coverage and everyone has the same coverage. But no one has top quality coverage. Also, you will have to schedule everything 3 months in advance. The lack of doctors have left the doctors very busy.
In Conclusion
After all the arguments were all laid out, I realized I wasn't as opposed to Obamacare, or the IDEA of Obamacare, as I originally thought. It means well. It could be a good program. It some situations it might even be ideal. But my conclusion was still the same. America can't afford the programs it already has. Social Security has a death date at the rate it's being used. The United States can't pay it's debt without taking out another credit card (aka raising the debt ceiling - a discussion with a deadline of Oct. 15th; just 2 weeks away). And debt will catch up with the borrower... despite everyone's denial that it can't happen to a government... Especially one so "great" as the United States. (Titanic ring a bell?)
Who is Obama?
What I can't figure out is Obama's intentions. I think that he's a good Father. I think that he's a kind and civil person. I think that he is an incredibly talented public speaker. And I know he can't do basic Math. Because he gave a speech about his Math and said it works. And I did the Math with Dave Ramsey and hundreds of other Americans and his math doesn't work. He must have forgot to mention the ESW line. That stands for "Error Some Where".
But what I really can't figure out is an intention that, on the surface, looks to be of good will... but the policy implemented looks to redefine the balance of power in government.
Example #1 - Obama is credited with writing the Healthcare bill. Obama is the president of the United States. His job is the supreme decision-maker of the Executive Branch - the law enforcement branch. Previous presidents only signed bills and vetoed bills, but also directed government towards issues that particular president wanted to address. He's over-stepping his powers... to accomplish what? His immediate agenda? Or a future military takeover?
Example #2 - I just spent 10 minutes looking for it and I'll have to find it later - when it's not 2:30 in the morning. Obama passed some law and/or created a new precedent about 2 years ago, that was ambiguous but gave government the right to invade your privacy and disrupt or destroy your life on the suspicion of terrorism. It was mostly meant for national security and public safety but the allowances could give an evil man legal power to destroy the freedom of citizens in this country.
Example #3 - Obama said this week, something along the lines of, 'Raising the debt ceiling has happened 45 times and it is a Normal way of life. This is the way that government is suppose to run.' - - - Oh, wait, this isn't a mystery of whether he believes the lie he just told - - - he does, because we've already determined that he can't do basic Math. But he is a Clever Public Speaker because he can make you feel like you are the stupid one for not understanding his math.
Done
I'm done writing. This is already too long. And I feel rambling coming on. And my best thinking left an hour ago. Be Kind. Rewind. G'night.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Government Shutdown could be a Good Thing
The Nightly News report on Sunday talked about the possible "government shutdown" that could happen tonight at midnight, if congress can't decide how to spend money. I wondered, what does that mean?
According to a couple of websites...
66 questions and answers about the government shutdown
According to a couple of websites...
66 questions and answers about the government shutdown
10 ways a government shutdown would affect your daily life
...there are several things that would happen and affect Americans somewhere between an inconvenience and a life crisis. Inconveniences would include - some government offices being closed. You wouldn't be able to get certain things or else it would get delayed... your passport, for example. Customer service for government programs would be closed. Crises include not getting paid if you're a federal worker, or having your paycheck delayed... which really, is only an crises for those who live paycheck to paycheck... which more than 60% of Americans do, according to Dave Ramsey. Or, if your business depends on tourism to national parks... because in a government shutdown, the parks would all be closed.
But what is most interesting to me is HOW the news articles and TV clips reported it. They said it was possibly going to happen if republicans and democrats couldn't agree. But when they tried to explain what the hangup was, their wordage seemed to suggest one side was clearly wrong... "House republicans won't pass the bill because they don't want to fund Obamacare (aka The Affordable Care Act) which will continue moving forward anyway, and if the government goes into shutdown, it could cost the American people millions." (not an exact direct quote, fyi.)
But, wouldn't agreeing to fund Obamacare cost the American people several millions or Billions more?
I think Republican's are right to defund Obamacare. It's unconstitutional and I Don't Want It.
Reasons I don't want it:
1. As a former poor college student, I couldn't afford it. Not even if it was only $10 per month.
2. I believe in the freedom of choice. I want to choose what insurance I'll pay for and if I even want it to begin with.
3. There are speculations and some clear numbers coming out that say the middle class will become part of the poor class if Obamacare (and other things) stick around. I'm unwilling to fund something that will send my family towards the poverty line along with the rest of the middle class! I'd prefer to raise my [future] several children in a place with more than 2 bedrooms, thank you!
4. I intend to save and be wealthy when I'm an old person. If I'm wealthy, I don't need health insurance because I'll Have Money. At that point, I can go to any doctor I want to!
One politician said "This isn't the time to be debating the funding of Obamacare" and I don't know if he's right or wrong, but I do know that there comes times in our nation where the constitution hangs by a thread and the citizens of this nation need to rise up and support the constitution against corrupt congressmen and illegal legislation. I think this might be one of those times.
In my household, if I can't afford it even when all my priorities are straight, then I think congress can't afford it either. Congress, Do Not Fund something the Citizens of This Nation cannot Afford!
...there are several things that would happen and affect Americans somewhere between an inconvenience and a life crisis. Inconveniences would include - some government offices being closed. You wouldn't be able to get certain things or else it would get delayed... your passport, for example. Customer service for government programs would be closed. Crises include not getting paid if you're a federal worker, or having your paycheck delayed... which really, is only an crises for those who live paycheck to paycheck... which more than 60% of Americans do, according to Dave Ramsey. Or, if your business depends on tourism to national parks... because in a government shutdown, the parks would all be closed.
But what is most interesting to me is HOW the news articles and TV clips reported it. They said it was possibly going to happen if republicans and democrats couldn't agree. But when they tried to explain what the hangup was, their wordage seemed to suggest one side was clearly wrong... "House republicans won't pass the bill because they don't want to fund Obamacare (aka The Affordable Care Act) which will continue moving forward anyway, and if the government goes into shutdown, it could cost the American people millions." (not an exact direct quote, fyi.)
But, wouldn't agreeing to fund Obamacare cost the American people several millions or Billions more?
I think Republican's are right to defund Obamacare. It's unconstitutional and I Don't Want It.
Reasons I don't want it:
1. As a former poor college student, I couldn't afford it. Not even if it was only $10 per month.
2. I believe in the freedom of choice. I want to choose what insurance I'll pay for and if I even want it to begin with.
3. There are speculations and some clear numbers coming out that say the middle class will become part of the poor class if Obamacare (and other things) stick around. I'm unwilling to fund something that will send my family towards the poverty line along with the rest of the middle class! I'd prefer to raise my [future] several children in a place with more than 2 bedrooms, thank you!
4. I intend to save and be wealthy when I'm an old person. If I'm wealthy, I don't need health insurance because I'll Have Money. At that point, I can go to any doctor I want to!
One politician said "This isn't the time to be debating the funding of Obamacare" and I don't know if he's right or wrong, but I do know that there comes times in our nation where the constitution hangs by a thread and the citizens of this nation need to rise up and support the constitution against corrupt congressmen and illegal legislation. I think this might be one of those times.
In my household, if I can't afford it even when all my priorities are straight, then I think congress can't afford it either. Congress, Do Not Fund something the Citizens of This Nation cannot Afford!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
A Living Will
Creating a Will has been on my to do list since I started planning for the arrival of my first child (one year ago). Why? Because supposedly that's recommended. But don't I need a lawyer for that? Not necessarily. Apparently you are allowed to type one up at home, sign it and file it away where someone can find it.
I finally did it today, but not because I finally got to it on my to do list.
A few months ago, my mother-in-law passed away prematurely from cancer. In the last couple of weeks, we, children, have learned that dad doesn't want all this stuff in his house, so he's given the job to his children while he's working out of state for a year. So in other words, we're divvying up the estate. His daughter, Melissa, and her family have moved into his house (though not necessarily realizing he was about to assign us the task of cleaning).
I was over there last Saturday while most of the children/family was present, and it was a mix of discussion, choking up, and borderline arguments... as is expected for these kinds of things. I stayed quiet; I'm an in-law. I knew her for only 3 years and I have almost no sentimental value attached to anything in the house. But when one sister-in-law told me if I didn't go ransack the sewing closet it was all going to get thrown away... and hurry down there right now!... I did as urged.
I realized that there are different reasons to claiming an item for inheritance. First, because it's sentimental. It reminds you of them. It could be anything... a christmas ornament, a baby blanket, a photo, or a decorative plate, for example. Then there are things that you want to inherit because that means you don't have to go purchase it in the future - a bicycle, silverware, a bed frame or dresser. And lastly, claiming things of value. These are the items you want simply to sell for it's cash value; or to keep because you know it's Worth Something (you packrats out there).
When I started writing my will today (and by that I mean yesterday, since it's technically past midnight and I haven't fallen asleep), I started writing out my valuable assets and trying to decide who should get them. But after a couple of hours, I was still struggling to figure out who to give it to... and my list started looking like an inventory sheet. So then I focused on a single person to gift something to... and I picked something that wasn't even on the list.
At that moment it hit me... you don't gift people items you think they could use, you gift them the same way you would gift them a very thoughtful Christmas present. Something with meaning; a token of love. That doesn't mean it's not useful... it totally could be. It Could also be Worth Something... but the point is that it is meaningful.
Mom gifted me with her watercolor supplies. Something about us spending an afternoon of me learning to Watercolor from her. I remember that experience as me feeling sheepish about not practicing more and struggling at the basic concepts, despite my having taken a college class. But if she gave me these things as a meaningful thing... what was the meaning of that experience to her?
And I realized she must of felt excited. Connected. She loved to teach and Dave told me that if she had chosen to work a job, it would have been a teacher. But she loved being a Mom and teaching her kids about everything. And I was a new kid added to her family that she could teach skills to. And watercolor wasn't necessarily one she just taught everyone how to do (like canning was - all her kids seemed to know lots about canning). Watercolor was special. Watercolor supplies could remind me of that time when we worked on that together. It was a nice afternoon of few interruptions and a moment we got to spend time together and get to know each other. Those were pretty rare.
I finally did it today, but not because I finally got to it on my to do list.
A few months ago, my mother-in-law passed away prematurely from cancer. In the last couple of weeks, we, children, have learned that dad doesn't want all this stuff in his house, so he's given the job to his children while he's working out of state for a year. So in other words, we're divvying up the estate. His daughter, Melissa, and her family have moved into his house (though not necessarily realizing he was about to assign us the task of cleaning).
I was over there last Saturday while most of the children/family was present, and it was a mix of discussion, choking up, and borderline arguments... as is expected for these kinds of things. I stayed quiet; I'm an in-law. I knew her for only 3 years and I have almost no sentimental value attached to anything in the house. But when one sister-in-law told me if I didn't go ransack the sewing closet it was all going to get thrown away... and hurry down there right now!... I did as urged.
I realized that there are different reasons to claiming an item for inheritance. First, because it's sentimental. It reminds you of them. It could be anything... a christmas ornament, a baby blanket, a photo, or a decorative plate, for example. Then there are things that you want to inherit because that means you don't have to go purchase it in the future - a bicycle, silverware, a bed frame or dresser. And lastly, claiming things of value. These are the items you want simply to sell for it's cash value; or to keep because you know it's Worth Something (you packrats out there).
When I started writing my will today (and by that I mean yesterday, since it's technically past midnight and I haven't fallen asleep), I started writing out my valuable assets and trying to decide who should get them. But after a couple of hours, I was still struggling to figure out who to give it to... and my list started looking like an inventory sheet. So then I focused on a single person to gift something to... and I picked something that wasn't even on the list.
At that moment it hit me... you don't gift people items you think they could use, you gift them the same way you would gift them a very thoughtful Christmas present. Something with meaning; a token of love. That doesn't mean it's not useful... it totally could be. It Could also be Worth Something... but the point is that it is meaningful.
Mom gifted me with her watercolor supplies. Something about us spending an afternoon of me learning to Watercolor from her. I remember that experience as me feeling sheepish about not practicing more and struggling at the basic concepts, despite my having taken a college class. But if she gave me these things as a meaningful thing... what was the meaning of that experience to her?
And I realized she must of felt excited. Connected. She loved to teach and Dave told me that if she had chosen to work a job, it would have been a teacher. But she loved being a Mom and teaching her kids about everything. And I was a new kid added to her family that she could teach skills to. And watercolor wasn't necessarily one she just taught everyone how to do (like canning was - all her kids seemed to know lots about canning). Watercolor was special. Watercolor supplies could remind me of that time when we worked on that together. It was a nice afternoon of few interruptions and a moment we got to spend time together and get to know each other. Those were pretty rare.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Financial Peace University
My husband and I are taking a 9 week class on Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University courses. There are a few things that I've learned from either the classes or as I've started reading through The Total Money Makeover that I want to reference here for a future time.
DVD 2 from class - Teaching children money:
Young Children (age 4-9)
1. Pay them COMMISSIONS, not allowance. This chore pays X amount each time it's done.
2. Commission earned is paid weekly or regularly... like payday at work!
3. Have assigned chores just because they are part of this family and live in this house. (aka Kitchen chores. Then trash, bathroom, clean closets, etc are commission. )
4. Allow a child to take his earned money to the store and buy a toy. If they pick something too expensive, allow them to take it to the cash register and realize they can't buy it because they can't afford it.
5. Letting a child borrow money teaches them to gratify now and get in debt. Do not let them carry a negative balance.
Stage 2 (age 10-15)
6. Create 3 envelopes - Saving, Spending, and Giving
Teenager (age 16-18)
7. Open a checking account under their name - the money that would be spent on them - clothing, etc, they are now responsible. They are also accountable for bounced checks. Go to bank and have child apologize to bank manager for "lying" about having money which lead to the bounced check.
Money Makeover Book - ch 2 or 3
Rent to Own and leasing (a car) is a bad idea because you spend much more on renting it (washer/dryer) than if you just saved up that money for 6 weeks while using a (laundromat).
Millionaires buy newer used cars - cars loose most of their value in the first two years - $100 a week. Never lease a car. It's the worst deal. You pay the difference of the quick depreciation.
It buy a nice car - the first car driven should be a total piece of junk-ish. Save money as if you were paying a car payment then buy a nice car for less.
If you pay cash - always ask and/or get it at a discount. If they won't, go to their competitors. If you pay cash, you should always receive a deal.
You don't need a credit card for anything. A debit card used as 'credit' will have all the same protection on it. You also don't need a credit (FICO) score. If you pay in cash, you won't need a credit check. For a house, find a mortgage company that will look deeper than just a FICO score. Millionaires don't have a credit score.
FICO score is not how well you deal with money, it's how much you love debt! Why? The Fico score is
##% how much debt
##% length of time with debt
##% types of debt
##% something
##% something
(It's in his book; i'm not going to look it up and finish this. You can go read the book.)
I think that's it for now!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Color Me Purple
I got a phone call this morning to update some of my information (it was legitimate). They call me every 4 months to do this. But the phone call is VERY long, and it occurred to me that some of the answers to the questions are not going to change. And so I made a comic about it:
Note - The pictures were just copied off of google search images.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
The NSA is Always Watching... or at least recording.
This is a bit of a think it out blog.
When I first heard about the NSA collecting all this information, I was a bit surprised, but not that surprised. I've always considered the internet about as private as a postcard... with the exception of websites with "secure lock" pictures with them - pages like entering my credit card and logging onto my bank. Those I considered more like a fireproof lock box you store in your house.
My first thoughts were, well, I'm a good citizen and a good person, plus, really, a nobody, so I can just keep my head down and I'll never be targeted. And the second thing is, if anything comes up, there will be plenty of proof that I'm a good person. And secondly, there is so much information in that database, they'll never run across me.
But something about that bothered me. Why do I need to keep my head down? Would I ever consider running for office under this idea? No, I wouldn't. Running for office isn't keeping my head down. Secondly, if I feel a need to "keep my head down," what happened to my freedom? I'm suddenly worried about it. Especially if "keeping my head down" means not being a "Tea Party Member looking for tax exempt status." That is a huge violation of freedom. There are any number of combinations that could make me a target. And as my husband put it, "Everything Can and WILL be used against you."
I watched/listened to TWiT tv Security Now episodes 408 and 409. They brought up some interesting points. Websites such as facebook, google etc, have 'license agreements.' For facebook it says, you 'must be at least 13 years old.' To violate that would be a federal offense. Very few people read these agreements. Likely millions of people have violated something in it, having no idea. Now the NSA probably wouldn't spend time on that alone, but if a person was arrested later in life, the NSA could go back and look at everything you've ever done and add charges or destroy your character and reputation... or find enough circumstantial proof to convict you.
The next thing I thought about was because I recently read something about people that do illegal downloading. Someone was ranting about if Hollywood just sold the media in the format they wanted it, or if they could find what they wanted through any legal channel, they would. But illegal downloading was the avenue to get what they were looking for when it wasn't available otherwise. Now, if the NSA is collecting all the noise and blips on the internet, and suddenly decided to sell some services, or convict people of 'more minor' crimes, they have the ability to put hundreds of people in jail. I imagine most of them would be children, college students and young parents. Even many good christians (although they'd have to make a bunch more jails since they're all pretty full right now.)
Or perhaps they could sentence everyone to monetary penalties... so that the government can continue to fund the growth of this spying apparatus.
What bugs me the most is that our tax dollars are being used against us. We're no longer paying for security, we're paying for, potentially, our own death penalty. The idea that this information collection will help us catch criminals is all fine and dandy, as long as we can trust that the people in charge won't become criminals. Martha Stewart couldn't seem to resist. Who can you trust?
At the end of TWiT Security Now, after having discussed a number of options to try to protect your communications, they ended up saying, there's really nothing out there that you can be 100% sure will protect you. If you use the internet at all, have a cell phone, or login to anything, the NSA can potentially find you.
And what about Edward Snowden? The government wants to charge him with treason. If they can't get a country to extradite him, who's to say they won't send a US Sniper out for him? Who's to say that a corrupt government won't send someone out to ship out any of us? Perhaps the 'missing persons' list will begin to rise. Maybe it already has... or maybe I'm starting a conspiracy.
The thing is, with this new information, most conspiracy theories are looking rather possible. Shutting down the internet; placing incriminating data in a citizen's file- framing them; censoring the internet; etc.
What I really think is entertaining, is why the US government thought that China or any country that's been spied on would be interested in quickly shipping back Edward Snowden? If the US wants him back so much, maybe they'd keep him as a bargaining chip, so that they could find out about this spy program. Or, they'd just let him go, because they like watching the US government flail around like a fish trying to patch up their lies. Essentially, this exposure cost the US government the trust of every nation around the world.
And the US has also lost the trust they built with many of its citizens. When the Nightly News Report talks about how the US government keeps saying that 'not returning Edward Snowden will damage relations between the US and [that country],' what they're actually saying... or what I'm hearing, is that "we are in denial that we have lied to the international community, and we will make that country our problem if they do not cooperate."
And while the international world is busy discussing what the US spying apparatus means to them, the citizens of Syria are experiencing genocide. I heard a few days ago that a third of their country has been destroyed - and pictures of towns with buildings that have been blown to pieces were placed on the screen. And the UN is trying to decide if they should aid the rebels before they are extinct... which is speculated to be weeks or even days away. And to realize this has been going on for... 3 years, I think they said.
It's all about priorities. And categories. And criminal punishments are all about how offended the people in charge are.
When I first heard about the NSA collecting all this information, I was a bit surprised, but not that surprised. I've always considered the internet about as private as a postcard... with the exception of websites with "secure lock" pictures with them - pages like entering my credit card and logging onto my bank. Those I considered more like a fireproof lock box you store in your house.
My first thoughts were, well, I'm a good citizen and a good person, plus, really, a nobody, so I can just keep my head down and I'll never be targeted. And the second thing is, if anything comes up, there will be plenty of proof that I'm a good person. And secondly, there is so much information in that database, they'll never run across me.
But something about that bothered me. Why do I need to keep my head down? Would I ever consider running for office under this idea? No, I wouldn't. Running for office isn't keeping my head down. Secondly, if I feel a need to "keep my head down," what happened to my freedom? I'm suddenly worried about it. Especially if "keeping my head down" means not being a "Tea Party Member looking for tax exempt status." That is a huge violation of freedom. There are any number of combinations that could make me a target. And as my husband put it, "Everything Can and WILL be used against you."
I watched/listened to TWiT tv Security Now episodes 408 and 409. They brought up some interesting points. Websites such as facebook, google etc, have 'license agreements.' For facebook it says, you 'must be at least 13 years old.' To violate that would be a federal offense. Very few people read these agreements. Likely millions of people have violated something in it, having no idea. Now the NSA probably wouldn't spend time on that alone, but if a person was arrested later in life, the NSA could go back and look at everything you've ever done and add charges or destroy your character and reputation... or find enough circumstantial proof to convict you.
The next thing I thought about was because I recently read something about people that do illegal downloading. Someone was ranting about if Hollywood just sold the media in the format they wanted it, or if they could find what they wanted through any legal channel, they would. But illegal downloading was the avenue to get what they were looking for when it wasn't available otherwise. Now, if the NSA is collecting all the noise and blips on the internet, and suddenly decided to sell some services, or convict people of 'more minor' crimes, they have the ability to put hundreds of people in jail. I imagine most of them would be children, college students and young parents. Even many good christians (although they'd have to make a bunch more jails since they're all pretty full right now.)
Or perhaps they could sentence everyone to monetary penalties... so that the government can continue to fund the growth of this spying apparatus.
What bugs me the most is that our tax dollars are being used against us. We're no longer paying for security, we're paying for, potentially, our own death penalty. The idea that this information collection will help us catch criminals is all fine and dandy, as long as we can trust that the people in charge won't become criminals. Martha Stewart couldn't seem to resist. Who can you trust?
At the end of TWiT Security Now, after having discussed a number of options to try to protect your communications, they ended up saying, there's really nothing out there that you can be 100% sure will protect you. If you use the internet at all, have a cell phone, or login to anything, the NSA can potentially find you.
And what about Edward Snowden? The government wants to charge him with treason. If they can't get a country to extradite him, who's to say they won't send a US Sniper out for him? Who's to say that a corrupt government won't send someone out to ship out any of us? Perhaps the 'missing persons' list will begin to rise. Maybe it already has... or maybe I'm starting a conspiracy.
The thing is, with this new information, most conspiracy theories are looking rather possible. Shutting down the internet; placing incriminating data in a citizen's file- framing them; censoring the internet; etc.
What I really think is entertaining, is why the US government thought that China or any country that's been spied on would be interested in quickly shipping back Edward Snowden? If the US wants him back so much, maybe they'd keep him as a bargaining chip, so that they could find out about this spy program. Or, they'd just let him go, because they like watching the US government flail around like a fish trying to patch up their lies. Essentially, this exposure cost the US government the trust of every nation around the world.
And the US has also lost the trust they built with many of its citizens. When the Nightly News Report talks about how the US government keeps saying that 'not returning Edward Snowden will damage relations between the US and [that country],' what they're actually saying... or what I'm hearing, is that "we are in denial that we have lied to the international community, and we will make that country our problem if they do not cooperate."
And while the international world is busy discussing what the US spying apparatus means to them, the citizens of Syria are experiencing genocide. I heard a few days ago that a third of their country has been destroyed - and pictures of towns with buildings that have been blown to pieces were placed on the screen. And the UN is trying to decide if they should aid the rebels before they are extinct... which is speculated to be weeks or even days away. And to realize this has been going on for... 3 years, I think they said.
It's all about priorities. And categories. And criminal punishments are all about how offended the people in charge are.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Greatest Fears
I can't sleep, so I guess I better write down the thoughts that are keeping me up.
My brother is doing a survey for a class at school, about how people's greatest fears change as they get older. He had a list of common fears and I was to choose 3 greatest fears. I ended up picking 'rejection,' 'embarrassment', and 'loss (of loved one/possessions).' At the end of the survey, I remarked that greatest fears may have more to do with life experience rather than how old you are. For example, if my parents were divorced, i'd likely have a fear of 'commitment.' And if i'd been assaulted, I'd probably have a fear of 'being injured' and 'emotional pain.'
interaction among peers
rejection
having problems with family
embarrassment
expressing feelings
emotional pain
intimacy
abandonment
loss (of loved one, possessions)
death
being injured
economic hardship
commitment
change
the unknown
failure
All evening, I've been thinking about those fears I have. I realized these are all the same fears I've had since I was a young child. In elementary school, every friend I made moved away at the end of the year. In college, a boy I was dating died in a car accident. I think that's where my fear of 'loss' came from.
I remember as a small child being just terrified that I'd be embarrassed. I'd pray everyday to God that I wouldn't be embarrassed. I was very quiet and very careful about what I said and did so that I wouldn't look like a fool. I remember I went on a picnic with a family from my church and the mother of this family threw a half eaten sandwich in the stream. I was confused by this. So I thought I could throw away my Capri Sun in the stream too. I announced that I was throwing it in the stream, just in case that wasn't okay... but no one said anything, so I threw it in. Suddenly this Mom was freaking out that I'd done that; we fished it out and she made fun of me for the next hour. I felt completely stupid.
By the time I entered middle school, I didn't make friends easily and was afraid to open up to new people. I generally didn't share my opinions with anyone for fear of 'rejection.' People in my middle school were generally quite opinionated. Many were very rude. Swearing was constantly heard in the hallways and everyone was calling everyone all sorts of names. I was quiet enough that I was mostly ignored. When I was in 2nd grade, I tried to give my best friend a hug, to tell her I loved her. She freaked out and said, 'no, don't touch me.' I don't think we hugged or touched at all for several years. It didn't seem to bother her.
I moved to another state when I entered High School. I opened up a lot more. Most people in this new area were kind to everyone. I knew 50 people's names and they'd smile and say 'Hi' to me in the halls. No one was swearing or cursing at me. It was refreshing. I made a lot of new friends but by the time I reached senior year, I realized they were all superficial.
At the end of senior year, there was a big 'all night' party. There were big blow up balloon slides and blow up things, great snack foods, everything. But it cost $40. We were a poor family at the time and it was a rich neighborhood's high school. I doubted my mom would say 'yes' due to the cost that I almost didn't bother to ask her. But I subconsciously was looking for an excuse just in case anyone asked me if or why I wasn't going.
Before the party, not a single person asked me. But a few days or a week after, a boy from my church group asked me about the party. It seems he thought I had gone, and said something like, "Wasn't that a great party? Did you have fun?" I was quite surprised he asked. First of all, I hadn't really ever had a conversation with him, despite having a crush on him for a couple of years. Secondly, I didn't think anyone had cared whether or not I would be there. I told him my concocted excuse, which increasingly had made many of my high school friends uncomfortable; "I didn't go. I couldn't afford the entry fee." He looked awkward and embarrassed.
But it was in that moment that I realized the real reason I didn't go. I imagined explaining to him, "I didn't think anyone cared. No one seemed to notice I wasn't there. Who would I have hung out with? I've been eating lunch BY MYSELF for a few months now. I don't really have any friends. Just a bunch of people who say 'Hi' and smile at me in the halls."
But admitting that I didn't have a single friend to sit with at lunch was far more embarrassing to me than the awkwardness of "I'm too poor." Was I a failure at making friends? Or was I failure at being a friend? I knew I wasn't the best listener... I was regularly distracted during conversations. Or maybe it was just the culture... everyone had their clicks, and I just wasn't invited in. Or maybe, they all made friends with common interest peoples - the band group, the german club, ballroom dancer, and the runners. Maybe I was a mis-fit. I didn't have a strong interest or talent in any particular group, so I was left without a group.
So here comes... apparently I still have those fears. I share my opinion more often now, but not usually where it would meet with strong confrontation. I generally start sentences with 'I think', 'I heard somewhere,' and 'supposedly' rather than just stating the facts with their factual sources. I try to be accommodating to everyone, but I've had a couple of epic fails that left me in tears on more than one occasion. I still struggle with making 'best friends' with people. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm often timid about hugs and touch.
I struggle with being in charge. Babysitting strong-willed nieces really tests my abilities to set boundaries. I tend to say, 'do you want to' rather than 'will you please' and the former generally meets with a 'No.' I have no power.
At this point, I would start to explore how to overcome these fears/ weaknesses, but I think I might finally be able to get some sleep, so Goodnight my patient readers... if I even have any... (besides my Husband. I know he reads. He is the one most amazing man in the world who will notice my hesitation and seek to discover my quiet but spirited opinion. It's one of the biggest reasons I married him. He cares very much about what I think. I love you Dave!!!)
My brother is doing a survey for a class at school, about how people's greatest fears change as they get older. He had a list of common fears and I was to choose 3 greatest fears. I ended up picking 'rejection,' 'embarrassment', and 'loss (of loved one/possessions).' At the end of the survey, I remarked that greatest fears may have more to do with life experience rather than how old you are. For example, if my parents were divorced, i'd likely have a fear of 'commitment.' And if i'd been assaulted, I'd probably have a fear of 'being injured' and 'emotional pain.'
rejection
having problems with family
embarrassment
expressing feelings
emotional pain
intimacy
abandonment
loss (of loved one, possessions)
death
being injured
economic hardship
commitment
change
the unknown
failure
All evening, I've been thinking about those fears I have. I realized these are all the same fears I've had since I was a young child. In elementary school, every friend I made moved away at the end of the year. In college, a boy I was dating died in a car accident. I think that's where my fear of 'loss' came from.
I remember as a small child being just terrified that I'd be embarrassed. I'd pray everyday to God that I wouldn't be embarrassed. I was very quiet and very careful about what I said and did so that I wouldn't look like a fool. I remember I went on a picnic with a family from my church and the mother of this family threw a half eaten sandwich in the stream. I was confused by this. So I thought I could throw away my Capri Sun in the stream too. I announced that I was throwing it in the stream, just in case that wasn't okay... but no one said anything, so I threw it in. Suddenly this Mom was freaking out that I'd done that; we fished it out and she made fun of me for the next hour. I felt completely stupid.
By the time I entered middle school, I didn't make friends easily and was afraid to open up to new people. I generally didn't share my opinions with anyone for fear of 'rejection.' People in my middle school were generally quite opinionated. Many were very rude. Swearing was constantly heard in the hallways and everyone was calling everyone all sorts of names. I was quiet enough that I was mostly ignored. When I was in 2nd grade, I tried to give my best friend a hug, to tell her I loved her. She freaked out and said, 'no, don't touch me.' I don't think we hugged or touched at all for several years. It didn't seem to bother her.
I moved to another state when I entered High School. I opened up a lot more. Most people in this new area were kind to everyone. I knew 50 people's names and they'd smile and say 'Hi' to me in the halls. No one was swearing or cursing at me. It was refreshing. I made a lot of new friends but by the time I reached senior year, I realized they were all superficial.
At the end of senior year, there was a big 'all night' party. There were big blow up balloon slides and blow up things, great snack foods, everything. But it cost $40. We were a poor family at the time and it was a rich neighborhood's high school. I doubted my mom would say 'yes' due to the cost that I almost didn't bother to ask her. But I subconsciously was looking for an excuse just in case anyone asked me if or why I wasn't going.
Before the party, not a single person asked me. But a few days or a week after, a boy from my church group asked me about the party. It seems he thought I had gone, and said something like, "Wasn't that a great party? Did you have fun?" I was quite surprised he asked. First of all, I hadn't really ever had a conversation with him, despite having a crush on him for a couple of years. Secondly, I didn't think anyone had cared whether or not I would be there. I told him my concocted excuse, which increasingly had made many of my high school friends uncomfortable; "I didn't go. I couldn't afford the entry fee." He looked awkward and embarrassed.
But it was in that moment that I realized the real reason I didn't go. I imagined explaining to him, "I didn't think anyone cared. No one seemed to notice I wasn't there. Who would I have hung out with? I've been eating lunch BY MYSELF for a few months now. I don't really have any friends. Just a bunch of people who say 'Hi' and smile at me in the halls."
But admitting that I didn't have a single friend to sit with at lunch was far more embarrassing to me than the awkwardness of "I'm too poor." Was I a failure at making friends? Or was I failure at being a friend? I knew I wasn't the best listener... I was regularly distracted during conversations. Or maybe it was just the culture... everyone had their clicks, and I just wasn't invited in. Or maybe, they all made friends with common interest peoples - the band group, the german club, ballroom dancer, and the runners. Maybe I was a mis-fit. I didn't have a strong interest or talent in any particular group, so I was left without a group.
So here comes... apparently I still have those fears. I share my opinion more often now, but not usually where it would meet with strong confrontation. I generally start sentences with 'I think', 'I heard somewhere,' and 'supposedly' rather than just stating the facts with their factual sources. I try to be accommodating to everyone, but I've had a couple of epic fails that left me in tears on more than one occasion. I still struggle with making 'best friends' with people. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm often timid about hugs and touch.
I struggle with being in charge. Babysitting strong-willed nieces really tests my abilities to set boundaries. I tend to say, 'do you want to' rather than 'will you please' and the former generally meets with a 'No.' I have no power.
At this point, I would start to explore how to overcome these fears/ weaknesses, but I think I might finally be able to get some sleep, so Goodnight my patient readers... if I even have any... (besides my Husband. I know he reads. He is the one most amazing man in the world who will notice my hesitation and seek to discover my quiet but spirited opinion. It's one of the biggest reasons I married him. He cares very much about what I think. I love you Dave!!!)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Family Ties
"Blood is thicker than Water."
First time I heard this argument, it escaped my paternal grandmother's lips. She was trying to bar her daughter-in-laws/ son-in-laws access to something... a family meeting or decision... I always thought this was a stupid argument - especially for a Mormon family.
What does that even mean? Of course it's thicker... when you're dead. Or when you've got high blood sugar. When you put oil and water in a cup, the oil floats because it is lighter. When you put blood and water in a cup, it mixes, and the water turns red. Blood really is not thicker... or it'd puddle at the bottom... Blood is always considered and treated as dangerous for possible transferral of disease and germs. Water is only considered dangerous to the touch when we're swimming in a stagnant swamp... or an infested lake...
And what does blood and water have to do with anything when you're in need? If you can't pay your bills, how does the fact your "blood" theoretically shares properties to your family, help you? Is there some sort of contract written in the DNA of that blood that says, "You're his sister; your required to help him. Obliged to help him. Humanity requires it of you and your blood."
Maternal Family
In my mother's family, they emulate what I assume this saying means - that they'll help you out no matter what. But they are really one step better... they do it because they are kind and caring people and really do care about you... it's not just that they feel some unspoken family obligation to help you. They really wish the best for everyone and that doesn't just stop at family... it's their friends and neighbors too. Anyone they meet.
That doesn't mean they just hand out money everywhere they go... everyone has to know their limit and capabilities for helping others.
Paternal Family
My father's side is a bit different. Most of them believe that appearance is everything. My father is one of ten siblings. Some of them will never ask for help from their siblings because they want them to think they're doing wonderful, even if they're dying of cancer. At big family dinners, they're constantly trying to show off their new toys, home, or brag about their job. They talk about pulling together in times of crisis, like when my Grandparents died, but it was mostly a show... one aunt had tried to change grandmother's will when no one was looking... so she could get an inheritance immediately. One uncle would visit once a year or so and always leave via the garage, grabbing items as he went. Another aunt would stop by and steal rare books out of the home library in the name of "home schooling." She never brought them back... including the one I was in the middle of reading. After both parents died, they had one day of "oh, sad, our parents are gone." Then everyday after that it was wolves around a carcass... "I want this, I want that... I deserve this... Dad gave that to me... That Actually belongs to Me... That 'Favorite Child' clock is MINE! No, it's not! Mom gave that to ME!"
Four years before my Grandmother passed, my father was the only one who A. was willing to take care of Mom in her old age, B. was willing to do it on his own dime, and C. didn't owe the parents any money. Another uncle had sort of been helping her for several years previously, but they had had a falling out, and it wasn't a good situation anymore. I later learned that one reason my dad may have agreed to do this is that he didn't really remember growing up in this household. He'd had a couple of bike/motorcycle accidents and he remembers very little of his childhood.
In those 4 years, it was a lot of hell and a little bit of heaven. My mother endured a lot of hardship that she had little control over. My dad, though it was his mother we were taking care of, he was out trying to get a job or working or trying to find a better job that covered the bills. Some jobs were in the state, some were not. My mother took the brunt of the care-taking. At first it wasn't much. Grandma would fall down out of her wheelchair. But then accidents started happening. Grandma would plug her bathroom sink and flood down through to the basement. She canned grapes that had already fermented. She tried to microwave a TV dinner for the time it takes to cook it in the oven. She melted a cutting board to her coil stove because she was too blind to see what she was doing. It started a 2 foot fire. She ate her fire-retardant covered sandwich before anyone could tell her 'No.' I remember mornings I'd walk out into the hallway to find a trail of poop coming from Grandma's room through to the kitchen. I remember being embarrassed to invite my friends over because Grandma hadn't taken a bath in over a month, and the whole house reeked. And an hour after she'd taken a sponge bath, the house smelled even worse.
On top of that, Grandma was a mean old lady. She talked bad about everyone behind their backs. She told my Father that my mother was a "She-Devil." Once my grandma was so mad she was trying to hit my Mom and I... and run us over with her motorized wheelchair. She was very weak and very slow, so it was almost comical. (I can't remember what we were refusing to let her do... something like disabling her from plugging up the bathroom sink so she could flood the basement again.)
Once my blind grandma said my my room was dirty and how dare my parents put up with that. I had the cleanest room in the house - cleaner than grandma's room. I was mad. Dad said it's just because I actually had furniture. He said they had NOTHING as children... only a bed. Sometimes they had a book or one toy.
Family Drama
Why didn't she get declared "incompetent?" Well, when her kids came to visit, she acted very normal. Very lucid. She could pull that off for a 3 hour stretch. No one believed my mother - was was an IN-LAW. Water. No one asked the grandkids. Blood. But children are not to be included in family affairs.
I heard a rumor that my aunts and uncles thought my parents were spending all of Grandma's money while living at grandma's house. I'm sure they didn't believe me when they passive-aggressively asked me years later if my parents had been doing that. I told them 'no'. My mom whined to me for many years, since I was a young girl, about the things that were upsetting her. And she did at this time too. She whined that she had to pay for the toilet paper that Grandmother's visitors used, because grandma couldn't fathom that her visitors might be using more than one square of TP for #1 and two squares for #2. Some of them were using half a roll - like the grandkids who had just been potty trained. I remember my mom crying every December that we weren't going to have a Christmas because we were going broke... and every Christmas morning she would cry again, about the pile of presents that arrived under our Christmas tree - from "Angel Tree" and "Secret Santa" neighbors. I think if my parents had had money, I would have gotten a decent haircut in high school... and some braces for my teeth.
Within a week of grandma's passing, my aunts and uncles said, "Move out. We're selling the house and splitting the profits." My mom put her foot down and said, "My kids will finish the school year." There were 2 months left. My dad was unemployed. I moved out to college one month into the summer. My parents moved out a couple months later. It took over a year for the estate to be sold - for a ridiculous price, was my understanding. One uncle wanted to buy the house, but my other aunts and uncles, supposedly, underhandedly and back-stabbingly, sold it to someone else... for ten cents more. He's never forgiven them.
Likewise, neither has my Father. For them treating us so unkindly. Everything was behind everyone's back. Prying questions were always presented as a trick question. I remember one family dinner before Grandmother's passing, all the adults started screaming at each other. It seems it was started by one of these trick questions. All of everyone's children of every age was in shock. None of us knew what was going on. None of us understand why the adults were fighting. None of us had seen our parents shouting before. I've never seen them do it since. When grandma passed, my parent's didn't tell anyone where they moved to. They didn't give anyone their real email. They didn't give anyone our new home phone number. Avoidance was the answer to all conflicts.
It's been nearly 8 years since that terrible summer. Some of the siblings are friends again. Some of them do Sunday family dinners together again. Quite a few of the adult grandchildren come to it. The aunts and uncles still try to show off to each other and the grandkids. Appearances still matter to most of them. They occasionally enjoy some "friendly" bantering and teasing. Sometimes they cross the line and offend. Every few months, someone asks a prying trick question. It usually ends up with the person asking getting offended.
So much for "Blood is thicker than Water"
So much for "Blood is thicker than water." If that were the case, my uncle would have been sold the house before anyone outside the family had the chance. If that were the case, my parents wouldn't have been thrown out during unemployment.
My mother later told me that it would have been cheaper for them to pay for a nurse to LIVE there 24-7, and stay out of state, then move in and do it ourselves. My father's career has and will never recover. My mother needs two shoulder surgeries from picking grandma up from falls, moving between chairs, and rolling over in bed, etc. She will never get it.
A Little bit of Heaven
Earlier I mentioned there was a little bit of heaven in all this. If we hadn't moved, one of my brothers and I would have been lost... I would have been lost in a religious and moral sense. Shortly before we moved into grandmother's house, things were happening in my and my brothers' lives that we knew were sending us down a path that would have caused my parents far more grief than they could have imagined. Far more grief than the destruction of my parents' relationships with their siblings. Moving saved our lives.
Tangent
This post kind of steered its way away from where I was originally planning on going... that happens when I talk about the dynamics of my Father's family...
Family Ties
Family support means nothing if the relationship is not there. If the dynamics don't include trust or love, than Water is more reliable than Blood. If your family knows your faults and they use it against you, they're not your support. They're not your safety net.
We're in a day and age where people hardly know their families anymore. They've never met some of their cousins. They've met some of their aunts and uncles only once. What do they owe us? They don't know us, they live across the country... How does blood relation mean I owe them any favors? We live in a world where we feel closer to our friends than we do our brother that's ten+ years younger. People regularly pick their boyfriend over their family's opinions of him... even if they are founded concerns. The loyalty of family is disintegrating.
Another Perspective
I have a friend I've been thinking about lately... she's well into adulthood and irresponsible. Her family is constantly bailing her out... of debt, from bad relationships, replacing expensive things she keeps breaking... because she won't be responsible and take care of it. She acts embarrassed and talks bad about them to her friends; her family knows it; and yet, they continue to take care of her. Enable her. Protect her from consequences.
She thinks that because she's related to them, they'll just provide free services to her. It appears to me, that it has not crossed her mind that she Should be providing services and favors back. I know that occasionally she does, babysits, etc, but I doubt it's a balanced relationship.
And I wonder, how long will that Blood be thicker than Water? How long will they take care of her and enable her to continue to be irresponsible?
Monday, February 25, 2013
Homeownership
"Kids are all bundled up for a romp in the snow...are we going outside...no :( Our furnace broke again. Lame! and COLD!!!!" -Cami
"Another expense that homeowners must bear." -LaDeana
I'm in the stage of life where in the next year or few, I will be looking to become a homeowner. I'm sure nearly every perspective homeowner is filled with ideas that they're going to get something amazing and fix it up to be gorgeous and comfortable.
I have met a lot of people recently who have become homeowners unexpectedly sooner than they thought they would be. It was unexpected from my perspective too... how can someone get a home when they're still in college and don't have a career job? How can they afford one when they're on medicaid and WIC? And welfare?
"A good home must be made, not bought."
Joyce Maynard, "Domestic Affairs"
This is even more surprising thinking about how many people have lost their homes since the housing bubble popped in 2008. Those with homes were evicted/ declared bankruptcy and those new start-up families who've never had a home are buying them. Part of me wonders if we're just kicking out the older generation to house the younger one.
"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?"
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
When planning a trip to a vacation destination, the best advice/warning I've heard is, 'A vacation trip will cost double what you planned it to cost.' So far that's been true for us. But in my own life, I've extended that advice to other things as well... and in this case, buying a house. I intend to have twice the minimum downpayment on a house that is half the price I'm approved to purchase. Because if I stretch my money too thin... the furnace will break... and I won't be able to afford it till... someday.
"I love food and I love everything involved with food.
I love the fun of it.
I love restaurants.
I love cooking, although I don't cook very much.
I love kitchens."
- Alma Guillermoprieto
I grew up always feeling medium to low middle class. I think I fit in low middle class now... and the idea of buying a [nice] home, or building a custom home (even if it's the same price), makes me feel like maybe I'm rich.
But rich is a slippery word, isn't it? A man LOOKS rich with a nice home... but maybe he only owns 10% of the house and he's got heavy monthly mortgage payments on it? Maybe he LOOKS rich with a brand new car, but he only owns 10% of that as well. His wife wears nice clothes but they were all purchased on a credit card he pays the minimum payment on each month.
And the neighbor around the corner... people see them wearing dirty overalls all the time. They don't have unlimited minutes on their cell phone and it's not even a Smartphone. Their yard looks okay but their house could use some remodeling or some fresh paint. But if you were to liquidate the rich LOOKING man's assets and the neighbor's assets... you might find that the man is $350,000 upside down and the neighbor with the dirty overalls is a millionaire.
"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."
Ellen Goodman (1941 - )
I'm starting to get a guilt complex too... so many thousands of people living in worse worldly conditions than I... and instead of spending it on a house to paint pretty and put in nice double pane windows and a roof that lasts 50 years, I should be taking those savings and giving it to the poor and the needy. Or employing them. Or teaching them life skills. Or feeding kids in Africa. Or buying them antibiotics. Perhaps I should dedicate my life to helping those with less than I have.
Or perhaps buying a small but decent home IS helping the world?... by raising my children to be upstanding and hard working. Teaching them how to be and live modestly. Teaching them honesty and integrity. Teaching them life skills and how to fix things. What is the difference between a modest and an extravagant home? When did the line between a NEED and a WANT get so gray?
"A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life; he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days."
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882),
Society and Solitude: Works and Days, 1870
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Normal
When Life is upside down, sometimes I just want everything to get back to normal. I want the whole ordeal to be over with. But sometimes I'm just lying to myself... because the old 'normal' will never return. Dozens of lives... perhaps even hundreds, will never be the same again... after loosing someone they love and admire so dearly. Myself included.
When people ask...
When people ask, "Are you going to be okay?" what they generally want to hear is "Yes" or "I think so." Perhaps this is to help reassure themselves that you Will be okay. But perhaps it's also their way to wishing for you to Be Okay and make it through.
But if you answer "No," rather matter-of-factly, most people are at a loss as to how to respond. Because, if you're not going to be okay, How Can they help you? Can they give you a medical procedure that doesn't exist to fix the problems that will end your life shortly? Can they wave a wand and heal your emotional pain? To shorten your grief?
There's counseling options for grief and there are support groups... and then there's religion... but generally people don't discuss those options with just anyone.
You could give them a book about grief... though you won't know if they'll read it or if it'll actually be helpful. You could deliver dinners; visit them often; continue to ask, "how can I help?" And Utah's favorite answer, "I'll keep you in my prayers." An answer that holds a range of opinions about how helpful that Actually might be.
And then there's Time. No one can really give you this except to wait. To be patient. To give you space where you need it. Or to take you out on the town to distract you from watching the clock and wallowing in grief.
Then there's the question, "How are you?" This is a loaded question too, but is really only an extension to, "Hi," for the most part. It's almost automatic for most people. Which can sometimes be a bit awkward.
But if you answer "No," rather matter-of-factly, most people are at a loss as to how to respond. Because, if you're not going to be okay, How Can they help you? Can they give you a medical procedure that doesn't exist to fix the problems that will end your life shortly? Can they wave a wand and heal your emotional pain? To shorten your grief?
There's counseling options for grief and there are support groups... and then there's religion... but generally people don't discuss those options with just anyone.
You could give them a book about grief... though you won't know if they'll read it or if it'll actually be helpful. You could deliver dinners; visit them often; continue to ask, "how can I help?" And Utah's favorite answer, "I'll keep you in my prayers." An answer that holds a range of opinions about how helpful that Actually might be.
And then there's Time. No one can really give you this except to wait. To be patient. To give you space where you need it. Or to take you out on the town to distract you from watching the clock and wallowing in grief.
Then there's the question, "How are you?" This is a loaded question too, but is really only an extension to, "Hi," for the most part. It's almost automatic for most people. Which can sometimes be a bit awkward.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Waiting Rooms
I always thought Waiting Rooms were where loved ones waited till the news came. I didn't realize that being in a hospital ICU waiting room could be akin to being in a closet. The news would have never come to that room unless those waiting in the room kept running out to check on things.
Hospital Goodbyes
When a loved one shows up in a hospital bed and the rumors have you believing your loved one may not make it through the week, or maybe even through the night... all the sudden there's at least a few things you want to say or ask that person of interest... or at least say goodbye...
But there's IVs going and machines bubbling and beeping; nurses coming in and out; then there's that loved one's significant other who's almost always in the room... and I wonder if they feel like the whole world is invading on their last moments together. But the whole world wants to come visit and say goodbye too...
And how are you going to ask them these things? Especially when their hooked up on oxygen and barely have a voice? How can you ask when moving at all looks incredibly uncomfortable or painful for them?
And how are you going to break down your walls and open up your heart and tell them these things you want them to know? Will the right moment ever create itself? Will it come across right? Or will it sound silly? And will they understand a thing you said, doped up on drugs like they are?
And then there's that moment when the person of interest is exhausted and you need to leave but you didn't get to say or ask the things you wanted to; walking out that door knowing that there's a chance you'll never get that last chance to ask. To tell.
I suppose most people go through life not really knowing what it is they want to know or tell someone until the final moments are here; and even fewer realize that even if their loved one has a few days or hours... doesn't mean that you can effectively have that conversation - that the opportunity had already passed.
On the flip side, your loved one maybe sitting in the bed, sick and exhausted fretting that they didn't get a chance to finish this or tell someone that; in the moments they're well enough to speak, they are trying to convey their messages and gift special and meaningful things to their loved ones.
And then there's The Waiting. Wait by the bedside or in the lobby. The waiting room. Don't go to work. Don't go to school. You don't want to miss a thing. You don't want to be "living life" when their spirit departs. You want to be nearby. You want every last chance to see them. How long must time wait? A day? Three days? Could it possibly be drawn out two weeks? Longer? I don't dare hope the waiting be short but I also do not wish them prolonged discomfort. Is there a chance they could recover? Maybe even for a short while? To feel well again? Waiting to see can be the only answer to that.
Just Waiting.
But there's IVs going and machines bubbling and beeping; nurses coming in and out; then there's that loved one's significant other who's almost always in the room... and I wonder if they feel like the whole world is invading on their last moments together. But the whole world wants to come visit and say goodbye too...
And how are you going to ask them these things? Especially when their hooked up on oxygen and barely have a voice? How can you ask when moving at all looks incredibly uncomfortable or painful for them?
And how are you going to break down your walls and open up your heart and tell them these things you want them to know? Will the right moment ever create itself? Will it come across right? Or will it sound silly? And will they understand a thing you said, doped up on drugs like they are?
And then there's that moment when the person of interest is exhausted and you need to leave but you didn't get to say or ask the things you wanted to; walking out that door knowing that there's a chance you'll never get that last chance to ask. To tell.
I suppose most people go through life not really knowing what it is they want to know or tell someone until the final moments are here; and even fewer realize that even if their loved one has a few days or hours... doesn't mean that you can effectively have that conversation - that the opportunity had already passed.
On the flip side, your loved one maybe sitting in the bed, sick and exhausted fretting that they didn't get a chance to finish this or tell someone that; in the moments they're well enough to speak, they are trying to convey their messages and gift special and meaningful things to their loved ones.
And then there's The Waiting. Wait by the bedside or in the lobby. The waiting room. Don't go to work. Don't go to school. You don't want to miss a thing. You don't want to be "living life" when their spirit departs. You want to be nearby. You want every last chance to see them. How long must time wait? A day? Three days? Could it possibly be drawn out two weeks? Longer? I don't dare hope the waiting be short but I also do not wish them prolonged discomfort. Is there a chance they could recover? Maybe even for a short while? To feel well again? Waiting to see can be the only answer to that.
Just Waiting.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Tax Benefits
So, two posts ago, I was bashing on how invasive taxes were... and now I'm going to tell you how awesome they are...
If you are a student AND have added a child to your family, apparently the government PAYS you back ALL the income tax you paid, ***TIMES 5*** (if you make between 30-45k per year).
At least that's what the preliminary guesses in our taxes are showing us this year.
Tell me again... how does this Government fund itself???
If you are a student AND have added a child to your family, apparently the government PAYS you back ALL the income tax you paid, ***TIMES 5*** (if you make between 30-45k per year).
At least that's what the preliminary guesses in our taxes are showing us this year.
Tell me again... how does this Government fund itself???
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