A Living Will

Creating a Will has been on my to do list since I started planning for the arrival of my first child (one year ago). Why? Because supposedly that's recommended. But don't I need a lawyer for that? Not necessarily. Apparently you are allowed to type one up at home, sign it and file it away where someone can find it.

I finally did it today, but not because I finally got to it on my to do list.

A few months ago, my mother-in-law passed away prematurely from cancer. In the last couple of weeks, we, children, have learned that dad doesn't want all this stuff in his house, so he's given the job to his children while he's working out of state for a year. So in other words, we're divvying up the estate. His daughter, Melissa, and her family have moved into his house (though not necessarily realizing he was about to assign us the task of cleaning).

I was over there last Saturday while most of the children/family was present, and it was a mix of discussion, choking up, and borderline arguments... as is expected for these kinds of things. I stayed quiet; I'm an in-law. I knew her for only 3 years and I have almost no sentimental value attached to anything in the house. But when one sister-in-law told me if I didn't go ransack the sewing closet it was all going to get thrown away... and hurry down there right now!... I did as urged.

I realized that there are different reasons to claiming an item for inheritance. First, because it's sentimental. It reminds you of them. It could be anything... a christmas ornament, a baby blanket, a photo, or a decorative plate, for example. Then there are things that you want to inherit because that means you don't have to go purchase it in the future - a bicycle, silverware, a bed frame or dresser. And lastly, claiming things of value. These are the items you want simply to sell for it's cash value; or to keep because you know it's Worth Something (you packrats out there).

When I started writing my will today (and by that I mean yesterday, since it's technically past midnight and I haven't fallen asleep), I started writing out my valuable assets and trying to decide who should get them. But after a couple of hours, I was still struggling to figure out who to give it to... and my list started looking like an inventory sheet. So then I focused on a single person to gift something to... and I picked something that wasn't even on the list.

At that moment it hit me... you don't gift people items you think they could use, you gift them the same way you would gift them a very thoughtful Christmas present. Something with meaning; a token of love. That doesn't mean it's not useful... it totally could be. It Could also be Worth Something... but the point is that it is meaningful.

Mom gifted me with her watercolor supplies. Something about us spending an afternoon of me learning to Watercolor from her. I remember that experience as me feeling sheepish about not practicing more and struggling at the basic concepts, despite my having taken a college class. But if she gave me these things as a meaningful thing... what was the meaning of that experience to her?

And I realized she must of felt excited. Connected. She loved to teach and Dave told me that if she had chosen to work a job, it would have been a teacher. But she loved being a Mom and teaching her kids about everything. And I was a new kid added to her family that she could teach skills to. And watercolor wasn't necessarily one she just taught everyone how to do (like canning was - all her kids seemed to know lots about canning). Watercolor was special. Watercolor supplies could remind me of that time when we worked on that together. It was a nice afternoon of few interruptions and a moment we got to spend time together and get to know each other. Those were pretty rare.