When people ask...

When people ask, "Are you going to be okay?" what they generally want to hear is "Yes" or "I think so." Perhaps this is to help reassure themselves that you Will be okay. But perhaps it's also their way to wishing for you to Be Okay and make it through.

But if you answer "No," rather matter-of-factly, most people are at a loss as to how to respond. Because, if you're not going to be okay, How Can they help you? Can they give you a medical procedure that doesn't exist to fix the problems that will end your life shortly? Can they wave a wand and heal your emotional pain? To shorten your grief?

There's counseling options for grief and there are support groups... and then there's religion... but generally people don't discuss those options with just anyone.

You could give them a book about grief... though you won't know if they'll read it or if it'll actually be helpful. You could deliver dinners; visit them often; continue to ask, "how can I help?" And Utah's favorite answer, "I'll keep you in my prayers." An answer that holds a range of opinions about how helpful that Actually might be.

And then there's Time. No one can really give you this except to wait. To be patient. To give you space where you need it. Or to take you out on the town to distract you from watching the clock and wallowing in grief.

Then there's the question, "How are you?" This is a loaded question too, but is really only an extension to, "Hi," for the most part. It's almost automatic for most people. Which can sometimes be a bit awkward.