Homeownership

"Kids are all bundled up for a romp in the snow...are we going outside...no :( Our furnace broke again. Lame! and COLD!!!!" -Cami

"Another expense that homeowners must bear." -LaDeana

I'm in the stage of life where in the next year or few, I will be looking to become a homeowner. I'm sure nearly every perspective homeowner is filled with ideas that they're going to get something amazing and fix it up to be gorgeous and comfortable. 

I have met a lot of people recently who have become homeowners unexpectedly sooner than they thought they would be. It was unexpected from my perspective too... how can someone get a home when they're still in college and don't have a career job? How can they afford one when they're on medicaid and WIC? And welfare? 

"A good home must be made, not bought."

Joyce Maynard, "Domestic Affairs"

This is even more surprising thinking about how many people have lost their homes since the housing bubble popped in 2008. Those with homes were evicted/ declared bankruptcy and those new start-up families who've never had a home are buying them. Part of me wonders if we're just kicking out the older generation to house the younger one. 

"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?"

Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

When planning a trip to a vacation destination, the best advice/warning I've heard is, 'A vacation trip will cost double what you planned it to cost.' So far that's been true for us. But in my own life, I've extended that advice to other things as well... and in this case, buying a house. I intend to have twice the minimum downpayment on a house that is half the price I'm approved to purchase. Because if I stretch my money too thin... the furnace will break... and I won't be able to afford it till... someday.

"I love food and I love everything involved with food.

I love the fun of it.

I love restaurants.

I love cooking, although I don't cook very much.

I love kitchens."

- Alma Guillermoprieto

I grew up always feeling medium to low middle class. I think I fit in low middle class now... and the idea of buying a [nice] home, or building a custom home (even if it's the same price), makes me feel like maybe I'm rich. 

But rich is a slippery word, isn't it? A man LOOKS rich with a nice home... but maybe he only owns 10% of the house and he's got heavy monthly mortgage payments on it? Maybe he LOOKS rich with a brand new car, but he only owns 10% of that as well. His wife wears nice clothes but they were all purchased on a credit card he pays the minimum payment on each month. 

And the neighbor around the corner... people see them wearing dirty overalls all the time. They don't have unlimited minutes on their cell phone and it's not even a Smartphone. Their yard looks okay but their house could use some remodeling or some fresh paint. But if you were to liquidate the rich LOOKING man's assets and the neighbor's assets... you might find that the man is $350,000 upside down and the neighbor with the dirty overalls is a millionaire. 

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."

Ellen Goodman (1941 - )

I'm starting to get a guilt complex too... so many thousands of people living in worse worldly conditions than I... and instead of spending it on a house to paint pretty and put in nice double pane windows and a roof that lasts 50 years, I should be taking those savings and giving it to the poor and the needy. Or employing them. Or teaching them life skills. Or feeding kids in Africa. Or buying them antibiotics. Perhaps I should dedicate my life to helping those with less than I have. 

Or perhaps buying a small but decent home IS helping the world?... by raising my children to be upstanding and hard working. Teaching them how to be and live modestly. Teaching them honesty and integrity. Teaching them life skills and how to fix things. What is the difference between a modest and an extravagant home? When did the line between a NEED and a WANT get so gray? 

"A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life; he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days."

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882),

Society and Solitude: Works and Days, 1870

Normal

When Life is upside down, sometimes I just want everything to get back to normal. I want the whole ordeal to be over with. But sometimes I'm just lying to myself... because the old 'normal' will never return. Dozens of lives... perhaps even hundreds, will never be the same again... after loosing someone they love and admire so dearly. Myself included.

When people ask...

When people ask, "Are you going to be okay?" what they generally want to hear is "Yes" or "I think so." Perhaps this is to help reassure themselves that you Will be okay. But perhaps it's also their way to wishing for you to Be Okay and make it through.

But if you answer "No," rather matter-of-factly, most people are at a loss as to how to respond. Because, if you're not going to be okay, How Can they help you? Can they give you a medical procedure that doesn't exist to fix the problems that will end your life shortly? Can they wave a wand and heal your emotional pain? To shorten your grief?

There's counseling options for grief and there are support groups... and then there's religion... but generally people don't discuss those options with just anyone.

You could give them a book about grief... though you won't know if they'll read it or if it'll actually be helpful. You could deliver dinners; visit them often; continue to ask, "how can I help?" And Utah's favorite answer, "I'll keep you in my prayers." An answer that holds a range of opinions about how helpful that Actually might be.

And then there's Time. No one can really give you this except to wait. To be patient. To give you space where you need it. Or to take you out on the town to distract you from watching the clock and wallowing in grief.

Then there's the question, "How are you?" This is a loaded question too, but is really only an extension to, "Hi," for the most part. It's almost automatic for most people. Which can sometimes be a bit awkward.

Waiting Rooms

I always thought Waiting Rooms were where loved ones waited till the news came. I didn't realize that being in a hospital ICU waiting room could be akin to being in a closet. The news would have never come to that room unless those waiting in the room kept running out to check on things.

Hospital Goodbyes

When a loved one shows up in a hospital bed and the rumors have you believing your loved one may not make it through the week, or maybe even through the night... all the sudden there's at least a few things you want to say or ask that person of interest... or at least say goodbye...

But there's IVs going and machines bubbling and beeping; nurses coming in and out; then there's that loved one's significant other who's almost always in the room... and I wonder if they feel like the whole world is invading on their last moments together. But the whole world wants to come visit and say goodbye too...

And how are you going to ask them these things? Especially when their hooked up on oxygen and barely have a voice? How can you ask when moving at all looks incredibly uncomfortable or painful for them?

And how are you going to break down your walls and open up your heart and tell them these things you want them to know? Will the right moment ever create itself? Will it come across right? Or will it sound silly? And will they understand a thing you said, doped up on drugs like they are?

And then there's that moment when the person of interest is exhausted and you need to leave but you didn't get to say or ask the things you wanted to; walking out that door knowing that there's a chance you'll never get that last chance to ask. To tell.

I suppose most people go through life not really knowing what it is they want to know or tell someone until the final moments are here; and even fewer realize that even if their loved one has a few days or hours... doesn't mean that you can effectively have that conversation - that the opportunity had already passed.

On the flip side, your loved one maybe sitting in the bed, sick and exhausted fretting that they didn't get a chance to finish this or tell someone that; in the moments they're well enough to speak, they are trying to convey their messages and gift special and meaningful things to their loved ones.

And then there's The Waiting. Wait by the bedside or in the lobby. The waiting room. Don't go to work. Don't go to school. You don't want to miss a thing. You don't want to be "living life" when their spirit departs. You want to be nearby. You want every last chance to see them. How long must time wait? A day? Three days? Could it possibly be drawn out two weeks? Longer? I don't dare hope the waiting be short but I also do not wish them prolonged discomfort. Is there a chance they could recover? Maybe even for a short while? To feel well again? Waiting to see can be the only answer to that.

Just Waiting.

Tax Benefits

So, two posts ago, I was bashing on how invasive taxes were... and now I'm going to tell you how awesome they are...

If you are a student AND have added a child to your family, apparently the government PAYS you back ALL the income tax you paid, ***TIMES 5*** (if you make between 30-45k per year).

At least that's what the preliminary guesses in our taxes are showing us this year.

Tell me again... how does this Government fund itself???

Presidential Election

Not that anyone cares what I think; they probably don't. I mean, elections are over, so what is there to talk about? "I'm excited!" or "I'm disappointed" in the various spectrum of emotion. But I want to Blog about it anyway.

Statements bouncing around in my head...

"6 billion dollars spent on the 2012 elections, to maintain the status quo." -KSL News

"90% of Germans supported Obama. They are happy with the results. They support his healthcare plan. They are socialists." - Aunt Emmalou (visiting in Germany during election day)

"Now Obama can blame the president of the last four years for leaving the country in a horrible economic situation with more debt than he will have a clue how to handle. Oh, wait the president of the last four years WAS Obama. Nope can't blame him. Yes, he will blame Bush because it's not Obama's fault!" -Facebook user

A husband on Facebook: "I wasn't sure we were going to survive either way, At least now no one will be able to blame the collapse on Mormons."
A wife on Facebook: "Haha. Very level-headed doomsday predictions, dear."

"A stark difference between President Obama and Governor Romney is that Romney is eager to take responsibility while Obama repeatedly pledges to take responsibility and then fakes it. ...But does Obama truly take responsibility or fake responsibility? We’ve had four years of Obama shooting messengers (including Fox News) and blaming others (before it was Romney it was President Bush, Republicans and the Tea Party). We’ve had four years of Obama insisting that he knows best and that anywhere there have been “bumps in the road” it is because of potholes and craters made by others—never by him. The president can’t have it both ways. With leadership responsibility comes leadership accountability." -Fox News

"Obama will bring 'more of the same.'" -Mitt Romney, among others

"Romney will undo everything we've worked towards in the last 4 years." -Barack Obama

"One wonders if ObamaCare's mandate is a good idea, why it was delayed? Obama and those Democratic Senators and Congressmen who voted for ObamaCare appear to think you might not be happy with what happens in 2014 and they prefer you come face to face with the non-negotiable mandate after you vote in 2012." -Fox News

"Why would anyone vote for Obama?" -Dave Allred

"Because he's bought them off and bribed them. He did it with "affordable" health insurance, mandatory coverage, Obama-phones, a new car with the 'cash for clunkers' stimulus; new appliances and windows in the name of 'energy saving' and 'green.' He saved some people's jobs by bailing out banks and car companies that deserved to fail. 

He's the "favorite parent" who bails out their kid and then spoils them. These problems are not our fault, he says. It's not his fault. It's some dead guy's fault. Or your old babysitter's fault. 

Of course people voted for him. They like parents who buy things for them... things they want and don't need. He promises to take care of everybody so that you don't have to put the effort into doing it yourself. He'll make all the hard decisions for you." -Keshia Allred (me)

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I've got an idea! Lets divide this country into 3 Nations - Republicans, Democrats, and 3rd party/moderate/"I hate politics" people. Then lets see who goes bankrupt first! And see if anyone actually survives! In fact, we should make this into a simulated computer game or an app first... how would that work? Any suggestions? Then, whichever nation survives, bails out the other two nations and unites them under a working and stable government. Any takers?