My sister-in-law recommended this book to me - 'The Manipulative Child'. She says she's read a lot of books about parenting and this is one of the best. I read the first 50 pages last night. It helped me be a better babysitter. It also helped me understand manipulation better and what it looked like. It talked about how all kids manipulate as children in one way or another but far fewer do it through adulthood. It talks about how manipulation requires two people - the one trying to manipulate and the person they are trying to manipulate. If the latter refuses the former consistently, the manipulator will learn other strategies of dealing with the hard things of life, rather than trying to ask life to change for them. The more someone is allowed to manipulate the people in their life, the more they will be unprepared to their teenage years or adulthood.
I love this book because I'm mostly a pushover. I'm easily persuaded to go out of my way to help someone out. But sometimes that leaves me feeling used and resentful towards them. This book is for me because it empowers me to say 'no' without feeling guilty. It helps me know what will actually help someone else out in the long run. It clears the confusion of a manipulative conversation.
And between this book and the 'get it done' skills I've learned from my husband's family, I was able to help my very passive brother make a goal for working towards college. He's frightened by the idea of college and especially because my mom isn't the kind of help that a kid might appreciate in that situation. My dad was a wonderful help to me. He helped me get a job, a bank account, get a copy of my social security card, and learn the public bus system. Now I'm trying to be a similar support for my brother. My dad isn't around much to help him this year and my mom has no clue he needs support. I hope I can do my best to get him where he wants to be without doing it for him, and making him even further unprepared.
